How to Do a Time Out

Co-authored by Paul Chernyak, LPC

Last Updated: October 23, 2022 References

While most parents would prefer positive parenting, sometimes an aggressive or out-of-control child needs discipline. When that happens, time-outs offer a non-violent, self-moderating means of punishment.^{[1]
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American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists

Go to source} By setting aside a quiet space for your child to calm down and then helping them talk through why certain behaviors are not acceptable, you can help your child take make better choices in the future. Just be sure to be consistent in your time-out methods, as well as your reasons for discipline.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Establishing Parameters

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Decide what deserves a time-out. At a point when you are not angry, sit down and decide what actions you believe warrant a time-out. Remember that time-outs are supposed to help kids modify their actions, so look at behaviors that are truly negative, such as physical violence or unprompted emotional outbursts.^{[2]
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- Many parents find time-outs useful for actions of defiance such as biting, hitting, throwing, taking something with force, or open defiance.
- Be consistent with your time-out practices. If an action warrants a time-out once, it should warrant one every time even if you're at a friend's house or in a public place.
2
Connect time-outs with behavior modification. Make sure that your child knows what you expect from the time-out. Start by verbally letting the child know, “You are being asked to go to time out so that you can calm down and make more appropriate choices.” Then follow that up with action.^{[3]
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- When you ask your child for behavior modification, one of a parent's stronger tools is taking away positive reinforcement. This means temporarily stopping not only praise and affection, but perhaps breaking all communication for the duration of the punishment.
- You may choose to not play with, talk to, or look directly at your child while they are in time-out. This helps reinforce the idea that you do not approve of their current behavior. Do not, however, turn to physical reinforcement or criticism. Simply do not provide a response.
3
Establish a space. For a time-out to be effective, it should be quick to enact and easy to monitor. Designate a time-out area that is easy for your child to get to and for you to monitor. Instead of sending your kid to their room, opt for a chair at the kitchen table or a bench in the corner.^{[4]
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Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Main public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human Services

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- Avoid sending your child to a time-out in an area that you can't actively monitor. This gives them more freedom to bend the rules of the punishment.
- Have time-out in an area that is not filled with extra stimulation. Avoid areas where your child has toys, or where technology such as TVs or computers could be easily accessed.
4
Have a timeframe. A timeout is meant to help a child calm down after erratic behaviors and allow them to reflect on their actions. Leaving a child in time-out for too short a time may not allow them to settle, while leaving them there too long may cause them to move from reflection to resentment.
- Some experts recommend a minute for every year of your child's age. So, for example, a five year old would spend five minutes in timeout. Older children, age 10 and up, may require a longer timeout, up to 20 minutes.^{[5]
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- Another tactic is to let the child self-regulate. Tell them, “stay here until you feel you can improve your behavior.” Allow them to come out when they think they are ready, and if the negative behavior continues, place them in a timed time-out.^{[6]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Sending Your Child to Time-Out

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Stay calm. A misbehaving child is often seeking a response from their parent. Avoid raising your voice or arguing with your child, and inform them calmly but sternly, “You need to go to time-out right now.” Then specify what action, exactly, motivated the time-out.^{[7]
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- There is no need for further discussion before time-out starts. As soon as you call it, have your child go to the space you designate and sit quietly for the amount of time you designate. Arguing will only create a power struggle that may undermine the timeout.
- Remember that the object of this is not to hurt or humiliate your child. Making a scene or making threats can undercut the effectiveness of the time-out.
2
Eliminate distractions. When you send your child to time-out, take away any potential distractions such as toys, phones, games, or anything else they may have. Time-out should be focused on quiet reflection, and anything that may distract from that should be taken away.^{[8]
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- Let your child know, “You can have your toy back when you've calmed down and thought about your actions.”
- If your child tries to find other ways to distract themselves during time-out, such as playing with items on the table, take the items away.
3
Create quiet. Your kid should be instructed not to talk during their time-out, and you should avoid speaking with them. Turn off the TV or any other loud distractions, and let your child know that time-out won't end unless they are able to keep quiet and calm down.^{[9]
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- If your child refuses to be quiet, extend the time-out until they quiet down. Do not officially start your monitoring of the time until your child is quiet and ready to accept the time-out.
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Reflecting After the Time-Out

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Tell them it's over. Once your child has lasted for the amount of time you designated for time-out, let them know that the punishment is over. Tell them, “Your time-out is over now. You can come here or you can stay there.”^{[10]
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- Give your child the option of continuing to reflect if they so want. They may still be processing or considering their behavior when the time-out ends.
2
Have a conversation. Once your child comes out from their time-out, follow up with them and talk to them about when went on. Ask your child, “Do you know why you got a time-out?” Help them work through what parts of their behavior were negative and how they can employ more constructive behaviors in the future.^{[11]
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Child Mind Institute
Nonprofit organization providing evidence-based care for children with mental health and learning disorders and their families

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- Now is the time to work with them to help create better behaviors in the future. Make it a collaborative time where you can both agree on better future actions.
- Do not simply tell your child what went wrong and how they should fix it. Instead, help them figure it out themselves by asking questions such as, “Why do you think this behavior is wrong?” and having an honest conversation.
3
Practice positive reinforcement. Once the time-out is over, practice actively showing your child love and support. This lets them know that care about them and value their happiness. It also reinforces the idea that time out is for behavior modification, not to hurt them.
- Providing your child with plenty of positive reinforcement also helps make future time-outs more effective, as lack of positive enforcement is a crucial part of time-out.
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Tips

If there's one or more other children playing in the same room as the child in the time out, put the child in the time out in another room or separate them by sending the child in time-out to a different part of the room.

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If they attempt to or actually leave the time out while it's still in progress a good tactic is to lengthen the amount of time or every time they attempt to escape.

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Warnings

Time-outs are not meant to harm or humiliate your child. Avoid any aggressive behavior, threats of harm, or physical discipline in conjunction with your time-out.

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