How to Realize You Love Someone

Co-authored by Cristina Morara

Last Updated: March 8, 2024 References

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Love is an abstract concept that is hard to pinpoint and understand. Many people describe love by using emotions, although love is not necessarily an emotion, in and of itself. There are a few physical and psychological markers of realizing that you love someone, however. Oftentimes, the realization that you love someone will come upon you suddenly, even though it likely took a long time to build.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Thinking About Your Love Interest

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1
Consider how long you have known your special someone. The idea of “love at first sight” is not always realistic; usually, it takes a long time for feelings of love to grow. If you think that you might be experiencing feelings of love for your special someone, think about how long you have known them.
- Are you in a relationship, or is it just someone you like from a distance?
- If you are in a relationship, how long have you been dating?
- How long have you known this person in general?
2
Notice physiological reactions in your body when you think about them. Many people report observing certain physical reactions in themselves when they think about their love interest. These signs are connected to certain centers in your brain that are connected with relationships.^{[1]
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- Dilated pupils
- Accelerated heartbeat
- Nervous feelings
- Sweaty palms
- Flushed cheeks
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3
Ask yourself questions about your relationship with this person. There are many questions that you can ask yourself when you think about your special someone. Answering these questions will help you to identify whether you truly love this person or if you are simply experiencing feelings of infatuation or lust.
- “How well do I know them?”
- “What would my life be like without them?”
- “Is my attraction purely physical/sexual, or am I attracted to their personality, too?”^{[2]
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- “When do I think about this person? All of the time? Only when I want them?”
- “Do I think about my future including them? What does that future look like?”
- “What do I value in a committed relationship? Does this person fulfill those needs?”
- “Do I feel supported and encouraged by them?”
- “What would I sacrifice in order to make my relationship with them work? Would I be willing to sacrifice anything at all?”
- “Am I genuinely happy when I'm around this person?”
- “How do I feel when they are not around? Do I miss them? How much?”
- “Do I feel jealous or possessive about this person?”^{[3]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Discerning Your Feelings About Your Love Interest

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1
Identify how much you like this person and whether your feelings are romantic. It is sometimes easy to get caught up in feelings of lust or infatuation over a person. Take time to consider whether your feelings for your special someone are romantic and whether you are truly interested in this person.
- Are you physically attracted to them?
- Do you want to be in a committed relationship with this person, or is a friendship all you want?
- Are you only interested in physical intimacy, or is that just a bonus to your great relationship?
- Do you get “butterflies in your stomach” when you think about this person?
- Is this someone you can imagine introducing to your family and friends as your significant other?
- Do you think about them frequently or fantasize about a future together?
- Reader Poll: We asked 381 wikiHow readers, and 67% agreed the surest sign of developing deeper feelings for someone is constantly thinking about them and fantasizing about being together. [Take Poll]
2
Write down what exactly it is that you like about your special someone. Pinpointing the qualities about this person that you like will help you to determine if what you are feeling is truly love or simply infatuation or lust. If you have more physical attributes on your list, there is a good chance that you are not actually in love with this person and instead are lusting after them.
- Personality traits
- Physical traits
- Positive attributes—are they genuine?
- Negative attributes—are they endearing? Annoying?
3
Consider how you think about your love interest and if you think of “us” and “we.” In Part 1, you took time to decipher your thoughts about your special someone. When you think about this person, do you think of an “us” or “we” that implies that you think of the two of you as being connected?^{[4]
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- Can you see a future with this person one year down the road? Five years? Fifteen years?^{[5]
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- Do you find yourself making decisions based on what is best for both of you?
- How important are their dreams and ambitions to you?
- Are you willing to fully support this person through the obstacles of life?^{[6]
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4
Determine whether you accept your special someone for who they are. Flaws are part of a person's personality just as much as the positive qualities. You need to consider whether you completely accept your love interest for who they are or whether you find yourself wishing some aspects were different.
- Oftentimes, part of realizing that you love someone includes becoming aware that that person's flaws do not bother you. You accept them, flaws and all, and you are willing to work together to overcome those flaws.
- Simultaneously, you find yourself becoming a better person because of your significant other. They are accepting of your flaws, but you find yourself trying to become better for the sake of the relationship.^{[7]
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5
Ask yourself whether you are willing to make sacrifices for this person.^{[8]
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Research source} Being in a relationship with and loving someone involve a willingness to make sacrifices and compromises. When two people are involved, it is impossible for only one person to always get their way.
- Do you find yourself making decisions that benefit your partner more than you?
- Do you make concessions or sacrifices in order to make both of you happy?
- How much are you willing to sacrifice for the relationship?
- Do you consider this person to be worthy of your sacrifices?
- Are these sacrifices an inconvenience, or are you making them because you genuinely want to do so?
6
Observe your actions around your love interest. People often treat their significant others differently from their friends and family. Make observations to yourself about how you behave around this person.
- Do you find yourself giving this person special treatment?
- What are your emotions like? Happier? More positive? Glum? Sad?
- Do you treat your special someone with respect?
- Are you giddy?
- Do you find yourself touching them more, like holding hands or hugging?
- Do you want everyone to know that you are in love with them?^{[9]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Making the Commitment

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1
Tell your partner about your feelings. Once you have reached the decision that you are in love with your special someone, express those feelings to them. This gives you the opportunity to make sure that you and your partner are on the same page and to advance your relationship.
- “I've recently realized that I'm in love with you, and I want you to know.”
- “I love you. There are so many qualities about you that I treasure, and I want you to know how much I care about you.”
- “You are very special to me. I've been waiting for the right time to say it: I love you.”
- “You mean the world to me. I realized recently that I think about us together, and I make decisions based on both of us. I love you.”
2
Give your partner time to reciprocate the feelings. Sometimes, the significant other is not ready to return those feelings when you express them. You have to decide if the relationship is headed in the direction you want or whether your partner will never feel that way about you.
- Even if your partner is not ready to return the “I love you” statement, they will likely still be genuinely interested in you. If you truly do love this person, then you owe it to them to stick around in the relationship. There may be reasons why they are not ready yet, such as negative previous relationships or being new to dating.
- On the other hand, if you come to the realization that your significant other just does not feel the same way, then it would be best to end the relationship before experiencing any further heartbreak.
Once you have expressed your feelings, it should be easy for you to remain committed to the relationship. Make sure that you continue to put forth effort in maintaining the relationship and showing your love.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Cristina Morara
Relationship Coach

Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.}

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How do you realize you're in love?

Cristina Morara
Dating Coach
Cristina Morara is a Professional Matchmaker, Dating Coach, Relationship Expert, and the Founder of Stellar Hitch Private Matchmaking, a luxury matchmaking service based in Los Angeles that serves clients nationwide and internationally. As a former casting director, Cristina specializes in finding the perfect partner through her exclusive global network and detailed, warm approach. Cristina holds a BA in Communications and Psychology from Villanova University. Stellar Hitch has been featured in the Huffington Post, Chelsea Handler’s Netflix documentary, ABC News, the Tonight Show, Voyage LA, and the Celebrity Perspective.

Cristina Morara

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

There's no scientific method for this, but in general, you should know if you're in love. Just pay attention to the way you feel and you'll come to the right conclusion.

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Question

How can I let my boyfriend know I'm serious about him?

Cristina Morara
Dating Coach
Cristina Morara is a Professional Matchmaker, Dating Coach, Relationship Expert, and the Founder of Stellar Hitch Private Matchmaking, a luxury matchmaking service based in Los Angeles that serves clients nationwide and internationally. As a former casting director, Cristina specializes in finding the perfect partner through her exclusive global network and detailed, warm approach. Cristina holds a BA in Communications and Psychology from Villanova University. Stellar Hitch has been featured in the Huffington Post, Chelsea Handler’s Netflix documentary, ABC News, the Tonight Show, Voyage LA, and the Celebrity Perspective.

Cristina Morara

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Make him a priority. If you go out of your way to demonstrate that you're serious with your actions, he's going to be much more likely to take you at your word when you tell him you want to take things to the next level.

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Give your relationship time to grow into love. It may happen quickly, and it may not, but it is best not to force it.^{[11]
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Cristina Morara
Relationship Coach

Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.}

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