How to Make People Feel Comfortable Around You

Co-authored by Paul Chernyak, LPC

Last Updated: March 19, 2024

Do people tend to fall quiet when you walk into the room? If you're giving off a tense, uptight vibe, you might be making people uncomfortable. Minimizing awkward moments and getting rid of your shy demeanor can help. With a little practice, you'll soon be the life of the party.

Putting Other People at Ease

Smile more around your family, friends, and colleagues to look approachable.
Give genuine compliments or praise to others to show you’re not threatened.
Make a little bit of fun of yourself while not criticizing others too harshly.
Be inclusive and make an effort to invite everyone into your conversations.
Have sense of humor without making fun of others or using offensive language.
Be yourself and act natural; when you’re comfortable, others will be too!

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Becoming More Approachable

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Smile more. Smiling is a great way to make you seem more approachable with very little effort. Smiling may also help you to feel happier, even if you don’t feel like smiling, so it’s okay to fake a smile now and then! Try smiling at people you pass in the hallway at school or work. Smile at your friends, family, and acquaintances. Just work on smiling as much as possible to feel and look like a happier person!^{[1]
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Don't use flattery, but genuinely give credit where credit is due. People enjoy being around others who can recognize and are not threatened by other people’s abilities or talents.

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Make fun of yourself. You know yourself better than pretty much anyone else, so it's easiest to make jokes about you. Everyone likes someone who's humble and self-effacing humor is a great way to show others that you are not uptight and you don’t take yourself too seriously.^{[2]
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- Avoid using self-deprecating humor, which is when you say negative things about yourself as a way to be funny. This is not a problem if you do it once or twice, but if you do it often it will seem like you are insecure.
Try to avoid habitually correcting other people, unless their mistake will end up making things worse for them or someone else. Also, downplay it if others point it out. While someone else may be wrong, it doesn’t make you a better person for pointing it out.^{[3]
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People will feel more comfortable around you if you make an effort to include them in your conversations. Don't tell an inside joke unless everyone present knows it. Also, don't refer to something about which a person in the conversation doesn't know without explaining it to him or her first. If you are constantly discussing things other people don’t understand, they will begin to feel stupid around you. Rather than educating themselves, they will probably just avoid you.
This one can’t be stated strongly enough. No one will want to be anywhere near you if you stink, look dirty, are wearing disheveled clothing, etc. The best way to be approachable is to look and smell like someone people want to be around.
Maintain your own personal space and don't invade others' without some sort of invitation to do so. Avoid touching or standing too close to people you don’t know very well.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Becoming More Outgoing

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Be confident and sincere. Confidence is important, and meaning what you say indicates that you are a confident person. Try sticking to your principles and don't say the opposite a few moments later. That just makes you look like you are desperately trying to find something smart to say. If you are comfortable with who you are and confident about yourself, walking up to people and striking up a conversation should be no problem.^{[4]
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- Your body language is a dead giveaway if you do not mean what you say! You will seem far more confident if you are sincere about the things you say. Don’t lie or try to be something you are not.
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Plan ahead. Think about what you are going to say before saying it. Consider what people's reactions will probably be, and decide if what you are about to say is worth being said. Not saying everything that pops into your mind doesn’t make you cowardly or meek, it makes you prudent.
- Don't be thinking about other stuff while you are having a conversation. You will seem distant and distracted if you do. Focus on being present in the conversation and in the moment. Try practicing mindfulness as a way to develop this skill.
Don't be afraid to make a fool of yourself! Who wouldn’t want to talk to the guy with green hair and the bright orange shirt? Being open and bold is an important tool for making people relax. When you can draw attention to yourself, it puts others at ease and will make it easier for you to approach them.^{[5]
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Remember the types of things the people who you are around like, then you can talk about things you all like, and everyone will be laughing with you and smiling soon! Finding common ground with others is an important skill that should not be overlooked.^{[6]
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Don't be afraid to mess around with people a little bit. Being able to joke around with others puts the people around you at ease. If you find that humor is one of your stronger characteristics, use it to approach new people.^{[7]
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Part 3

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Avoiding Common Mistakes

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Be yourself and act natural. No one likes a fake, so just be yourself. People will admire that you aren't afraid of what others think. Don't be different on purpose though; this will just make you seem weird.
- Avoid trying to show off as well. This is off-putting to most people.
Avoid insulting other people unless you're just messing around. Don't say anything hurtful. Be really careful with this. The longer you've known a person, the more you can mess around with him or her.
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Steer clear of racist slurs and sexual comments. Sometimes, making someone feel comfortable is not the best option, especially when that person holds offensive and outdated social views. Do not compromise the truth and your values just to fit in with others.
- People who cling to sexist and racist attitudes are not the type of people you want to be associating with anyways.
- Also, avoid talking about politics and religion. These are emotionally charged topics and it is best to avoid them if you want to make people feel more comfortable around you.
It is easy to spot someone who is trying too hard to “fit in” or “get along” with other people. Don’t exert too much pressure on yourself and don’t try to engage in social settings that are truly uncomfortable for you. People will notice right away and you may end up making people even more uncomfortable than before.
Everyone likes people who are smart, but everyone hates a know-it-all. Don’t jump down other peoples’ throats for what you feel are wrong or misplaced comments. No one likes to be judged and you won’t be impressing anyone by constantly arguing to prove that you know better.^{[8]
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Be Charismatic with this Expert Series

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Do you want to be the kind of person who lights up a room? Learn how to attract people to you and be the most charismatic version of yourself with this expert series.

1

Have a Great Personality

2

Have an Attractive Personality

3

Make Your Personality Stand Out

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Be Likable

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Make People Want to Be Around You

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Groom Your Personality

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Tips

Believe you can do anything. Don't be afraid what others think and goof around!

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Remember and use the name of your conversation partner occasionally.

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