How to Avoid Suspicion and Paranoia

Co-authored by Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP

Last Updated: May 5, 2023 References

If you tend to read between the lines of every word or interaction you have, check up on people, or assume people are out to hurt you or lie to you, it's likely you are more suspicious or paranoid than others. A suspicious mind is always ill-at-ease and spotting hidden meanings nobody else even considers are there. Practice increasing your relaxation by engaging in calming activities and using deep breathing when you start to feel suspicious. Improve your relationships by listening, being curious, asking questions, and not jumping to conclusions.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Using Coping Strategies

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Both anxiety and paranoia are caused by fear and manifest themselves in excessive worry and perceived danger. Paranoia is an unfounded belief or fear that something bad is going to happen. Often, an individual experiencing paranoia will be suspicious of another person or group, believing that other person or group will be responsible for the negative occurrence. Paranoia comes with a sense of threat and the exaggerated nature of an individual's beliefs is what sets paranoia apart from typical fear and worry.^{[1]
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Practice relaxation. Stress can be a major contributor to paranoid thoughts and feelings, which is why it is important to destress. If you're starting to become suspicious, take a moment and practice relaxation. When you feel paranoid or suspicious, your body can respond in an alert manner similar to fear. This can be exhausting. Tune into your body's responses (such as increased heart rate, knots in your stomach, or faster breathing) and purposefully bring a sense of calm to your body. Practice guided imagery, say a prayer, or practice deep breathing.^{[2]
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- To begin deep breathing, focus on each breath. lengthening them so that they are deeper and longer. This should slow your body down and induce feelings of calm.
- Take up meditation. Meditation can help you learn to focus and to relax. It can also be used to increase your feelings of well-being and inner happiness.
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Journal. If you want to engage in some self-discovery-- especially about your paranoia-- writing can be a great way to work through your thoughts and feelings. Write down when you have felt hurt, betrayed, helpless, or humiliated and the feelings you remember from those experiences. Writing can help you to sort through and settle your thoughts, as well as help you to clarify the relationships between your thoughts and the external influences.^{[3]
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- Write about any childhood experiences that made you wary in trusting people's motives. Were there times you couldn't tell if someone was lying or telling the truth?
- Was there a time in your life you felt betrayed by someone that made you approach trust differently?
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Talk to a doctor or therapist.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP
Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor

Expert Interview. 2 October 2020.} Suspicion and paranoia often result in distrust, so begin building trust back into your life, starting with a therapist. Attending long-term therapy is often the treatment of choice. If you suffered a traumatic situation or event, your therapist can help you work through this. Your therapist can help you learn and practice calming strategies and techniques to lessen your paranoia.^{[5]
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- When beginning treatment, it's important not to let your paranoia seep into your therapy; see your therapist as someone you can trust and who will not share information with others. After all, therapists are required to keep information confidential.
- Your therapist can work with you to challenge what makes you feel distrustful toward others, and help you build skills in relating to other people in a more beneficial way.
- Your therapist may also refer you to a physiatrist for medication to help your symptoms.^{[6]
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  Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP
  Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor
  
  Expert Interview. 2 October 2020.}

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Changing Your Relationships

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1
Practice open and honest communication. If you struggle to feel secure in a relationship, practice good communication skills. Ask people to speak directly and honestly to you without using sarcasm. When you speak with others, put most of your energy on listening to what they say and understanding them. If you're unclear about something, ask a question. Overall, be curious in your interactions and avoid jumping to conclusions.^{[7]
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- If you start to doubt what the person is doing or saying, ask a question. However, don't be accusing. For example, if your partner is going out and you're feeling suspicious, ask, “Do you know what time you'll be back? I was hoping we could spend some time together tonight.”
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Choose to trust people. If you generally tend to be untrusting toward people, this likely affects your ability to have friendships and relationships. While it's true some people shouldn't be trusted, it doesn't mean that everyone is not trustworthy. Think about what it costs you when you doubt someone; their time, their presence, their love, and perhaps even their friendship.
- For example, if someone calls and says they will be late, then it simply means they are running late and nothing more. Even if there is a pattern of lateness, it doesn't mean they're up to something else based solely on this one trait, however much you dislike it.
- If you're having a hard time believing someone, say to yourself, “I am choosing to believe they are telling me the truth.”
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Avoid applying the past to the present. Maybe an ex cheated on you and now you're wary of dating or being with someone new for fear they may also betray you. Living in the past is not a healthy way to direct your present and future behavior. Avoid letting past bad experiences cloud your present judgment, and learn how to stop yourself from falling into automatic suspicious responses whenever a similar situation arises. Rebuilding trust starts with you, not anybody else.^{[8]
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- Learn from your past experiences and improve your resilience, but use the past like a stepping stone rather than a weight dragging you down.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Improving Your Thoughts

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Whenever you have a suspicion about someone or another type of paranoid thought, write it down in a journal. Include details about the situation, such as who you are with and what else is happening at the time. This can help you to identify your triggers for these types of thoughts.
2
Think logically. Use common sense and logic before reacting or speaking by lessening your emotional response and increasing your rational side. If you don't know something about someone or a situation, avoid making an assumption. Aim for taking a calm and logical approach to all situations presented before you, ask questions before making judgments, and seek explanations and evidence before reaching conclusions.^{[9]
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- Suspicious behavior destroys relationships. Do not give your power to thoughts. Challenge their truth. Ask yourself, “Is this true? What evidence do I have to prove this?”
3
Be optimistic and expect good things to happen. When you stay active and committed to doing things that really matter to you, it's harder to be overwhelmed by suspicions. Get involved in activities that keep you purposefully occupied and spend time with people who distract you in an enjoyable way. Seize the meaningful opportunities that are bound to come your way when you keep a more open mind.
- Instead of expecting people to let you down or hurt you, expect pleasant things to come your way and wonderful people to share your experiences with.
- Look for people you can connect with and learn from and grow with.
4
Take note of trustworthy behavior. Suspicion and paranoia are based on proving yourself right about people being untrustworthy or unfaithful. You likely tend to look for confirmation of these beliefs and prove yourself right about people. However, being proven right about someone's untrustworthy behavior doesn't actually help you experience trust or safety. Instead of keeping your attention on all the ways people can and might hurt you, shift your focus to behaviors that prove people can be counted on, trusted, and relied upon.
- For example, if someone says they will meet you for lunch and they show up, prove to yourself that they said they'd do something and they did it.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Increasing Your Emotional Self-Awareness

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1
Get your anger under control. You absolutely have a right to be angry with people who hurt you when you were in a vulnerable position or that took advantage of you. But this anger cannot be transferred to every person you meet. Carrying around anger and distrust toward people hurts you most. Anger management techniques can help you reduce stress levels and improve your relationships.
- You can learn to become a better communicator, solve problems, and think differently.
2
Increase your empathy. If you have problems trusting others (especially friends, family, or a significant other), turn the tables on yourself. Think about how you would feel if someone you cared about or spent a lot of time with didn't trust anything that you did or said. Think about how it would feel if someone kept badgering you about your whereabouts and thoughts. How does that make you feel? Suspicious probing is unpleasant at best, and downright invasive and unsettling at its worst.
- If you feel prejudiced, find commonalities that you may have with the person you distrust. Build a relationship with them, be curious about their life, and remind yourself that they're human just like you.^{[10]
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Trust yourself. While you're learning to trust others, choose to trust yourself as well. By seeing the world suspiciously, you can project your own unresolved fears onto others. There are many genuine and true people out there. Put the focus on yourself and learn to trust yourself first. Remove people from your life that doubt your abilities or say you can't succeed. Keep your commitments to yourself by following through on things you want or need to do.
- When you say you're going to do something, know that you will do it. For example, if you say that you're going to go exercise today, know that you can and will follow through on that commitment.

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Question

What can I do if I'm paranoid and I don't know what's real anymore?

Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP
Clinical Therapist
Rebecca Tenzer is the owner and head clinician at Astute Counseling Services, a private counseling practice in Chicago, Illinois. With over 18 years of clinical and educational experience in the field of mental health, Rebecca specializes in the treatment of depression, anxiety, panic, trauma, grief, interpersonal relationships using a combination of Cognitive Behavioral therapy, Psychodynamic therapy, and other evidence-based practices. Rebecca holds a Bachelor of Arts (BA) in Sociology and Anthropology from DePauw University, a Master in Teaching (MAT) from Dominican University, and a Master of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Chicago. Rebecca has served as a member of the AmeriCorps and is also a Professor of Psychology at the collegiate level. Rebecca is trained as a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (CBT), a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP), a Certified Grief Counseling Specialist (CGCS), a Clinical Anxiety Treatment Professional (CCATP), and a Certified Compassion Fatigue Professional (CCFP). Rebecca is also a member of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Society of America and The National Association of Social Workers.

Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP

Clinical Therapist

Expert Answer

Paranoia is a serious mental health concern, but once you get help you'll probably feel a lot better. Talk to a doctor about what medication and therapy options are available to you.

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I am paranoid and I believe I'm being followed by the FBI for something I haven't done and for being something I'm not. What can I do?

Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.

Paul Chernyak, LPC

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Expert Answer

I would suggest to speak to a mental health professional or someone that you trust. It sounds like you are experiencing paranoia.

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An occasional suspicion founded on clear grounds is warranted and acceptable, and is part of staying vigilant to look after yourself. Paying attention to obvious signs of breaches of trust or intent to harm you will save you grief and heartbreak for the future. Obvious signs include catching someone cheating on you, finding missing amounts from your bank account, having the police confirm charges, etc.

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Use common sense when adjusting a paranoid mindset. You don't need to become gullible and trust every person you meet. Being too trusting and accommodating, especially to the point of self-destruction, is harmful and pointless. Use your discretion.

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