If the phrase “this one time, at band camp” means something to you, then, like me, you probably grew up in the American Pie era. Back then, in 1999, nothing about the film seemed seriously problematic. An outrageous comedy about a group of horny students? Teenage me was hooked.
In hindsight, a movie about a group of boys desperate to lose their virginities by prom night or be destined to start college life as “losers”—and prepared to do anything they can in the pursuit of sex, including filming women in secret and showing their buddies the footage—isn’t great. The film definitely sent my adolescent self the message that there were things I should be doing to appear more grown-up, as well as things I should be wearing and saying to ensure the opposite sex found me attractive. Basically, some of it is slightly uncomfortable when viewed through a 2023 lens. Wouldn’t be made now. We’ve all moved on.
Or at least I thought we had, until No Hard Feelings came along. The film features Jennifer Lawrence playing Maddie, a 32-year-old Uber driver (stay with me) on the brink of financial ruin who answers a Craigslist advert from the helicopter parents of 19-year-old Percy. They want her to deflower their introverted and immature son before he leaves home for college, in exchange for a secondhand car. “Date him… hard,” says Percy’s dad, played by Matthew Broderick.
I mean, I know the ’90s are back in fashion, but isn’t this taking things a bit far? There’s something outdated about the premise of this film, and judging by the backlash, plenty of others feel the same way I do. The 13-year age gap between the two lead characters has led to accusations that it glorifies grooming. Not to mention that Percy spends much of the film rebuffing Maddie’s attempts to seduce him and appearing incredibly uncomfortable in the face of her skinny-dipping and lap-dancing. Yes, it’s meant to be funny, and no, not many 19-year-old lads would rebuff Jennifer Lawrence, but the entire premise of the film is built around a timid young man being cajoled into “manning up” by having sex, which he clearly doesn’t want to do. “This kid is unfuckable,” says Maddie at one point. Oof.
The film’s defense goes like this: the character J-Law is assigned to sleep with is 19 and therefore able to consent. Lighten up already. Except simply having been on the planet for 6,570 days doesn’t automatically mean that you’re “ready” for sex. In fact, the “kid” in this film is quite clearly not ready, yet his nervousness and anti-American Pie desire not to pursue sex at-all-costs is treated as inherently wrong and weird.
Besides, being over the legal age of consent isn’t a green light that makes it OK for anyone and everyone to aggressively hit on you. It’s nauseating to remember the hideous “countdowns” to the 18th birthdays of Britney Spears, Natalie Portman, and Hilary Duff—the subtext being that it would be legal to have sex with them and therefore more acceptable for grown men to drool over their magazine photoshoots. Unsurprisingly, the “oh, but they’re over the age of consent” argument is more often used to excuse the sexualization of women than it is men.
Of course, the temptation is to say that this film would never be made the other way around; the optics of a man in his 30s trying as many pushy tactics as he can think of to get into the underwear of a teenage girl would not be good. But while there’s a definite Hollywood precedent for those sorts of films, I’m not sure that the way to level the playing field is to flip the script gender-wise. It’s too simplistic and only creates more problems, reinforcing the toxic masculinity that tells teenage boys that being a virgin is the worst thing imaginable.
In this post #MeToo era, with conversations around consent being had everywhere from high schools to football clubs, are we really still pressuring young people to pop their cherry or risk being seen as uncool? Not to mention the unaddressed issue of Maddie trying to have sex with Percy in exchange for a car. And to think that this got made while we’re still waiting for Bridesmaids 2.
It’s just all a bit tone deaf, isn’t it? And while I do think a predatory older man and a young girl has different connotations when it comes to the power dynamic and threat of physical violence, frankly I’m not sure a film about a young person of any gender being pressured into having sex after their parents decide that they’re “ready” is a feel-good “coming-of-age sex comedy,” as No Hard Feelings is billed. The truth is that it’s this tired old storyline that has come of age—and should rapidly be put out to pasture.
Claire Cohen is the author of BFF? The Truth About Female Friendship