Author describes the road to facing reality in a memoir

CLIFTON PARK, N.Y. >> What would you do if you were told you would lose your eyesight, little by little, over the next 10 years? The choices are many and they are highly individualized. But one choice always seems to jump to the top of the list, live life like there’s no tomorrow.

Brooklyn-based author Nicole C. Kear was given that very diagnosis at 19 when told she had retinitis pigmentosa, a degenerative eye disease that causes severe vision impairment.

After a less than careful consideration, she chose the carpe diem approach. She seized the day, and the next, and the one after that. She lived out her dreams and despite the dimming of her eyesight, is still doing so.

In 2014 Kear wrote a memoir of how she dealt with her diagnosis. In it she told how it affected her life, the choice she made to ignore it, and her decision to finally confront it. The book, “Now I See You: A Memoir” is to be made into a movie.

Kear discussed that book in a prior visit to the Clifton Park-Halfmoon Library. She returned last Sunday, July 16, ostensibly to discuss her new children’s book series, “Fix It Friends”, by Imprint, a division of McMillian Publishing.

Each illustrated book in the series deals with a topic of interest to kids. There are stories that help them overcome instances of bullying, the loss of a pet or the breakup of a family.

But it was Kear herself, with her kinetic energy, her take-on-the-world personality, and the tales surrounding her life that drew the audience of 60 out on a gorgeous summer day.

At 19, on the advice of her ophthalmologist, she made an appointment with an eye specialist to check on “something”. She approached the appointment as just another stop on a busy day. Once given the full diagnosis she debated internally how to proceed. She settled on keeping the diagnosis to herself and her family while living out her dreams as quickly and fully as possible. The idea that it was denial never entered her mind.

“It was concerning but also liberating,” she said. “It rewrote my future. I decided not to think about it. Thirty? That was ancient. I could have osteoporosis by then. Who could possible think 10 years from now? It was like I had gazed into a crystal ball and at some void in the future. I would lose my vision but it wasn’t happening right now so it was irrelevant. But, the diagnosis did give me a sense of urgency. I knew time was running out, so I had to be bold. I had to grab life by the horns.”

She did. The first summer after the diagnosis she blew off an internship at the Williamstown Theater Festival and toured Europe. The following summer she went to circus school. And the one after that she acted in plays all over New York City. Her dreams of becoming a famous actress were not going to be dashed by a physical problem that was so far down the road.

Pointing to a few photographic slides from her travels Kear noted her publicity shots for prospective casting directors, an ingenue, a tough young woman in leather, the girl next door.

“I knew I couldn’t be the same sensible girl I had been,” Kear said. “I climbed every mountain followed every rainbow. But while doing this I was also losing my vision.”

She described the ingenious ways she’d worked out to help get her through the most common sticky situations, like maneuvering back stage in a dark theater and ordering meals in dimly lit restaurants. Through it all she told no one but her family and very close friends of her condition.

“Then I decided to move to Hollywood to purse stardom on the screen,” Kear said.

Driving proved to be a problem there. For starters, she had to learn to drive. Later she realized she had to get home by dusk because of her condition.

“I was night blind and had tunnel vision so I decided to get off the streets before dark,” she said. “After all, it works for werewolves. I was still in denial.”

Meeting the man who became her husband and the father of her three children changed Kear’s life. By the age of 30 and now back in New York City, she had two children, a master’s degree from Yale in literature, and a desire to impart in her children the one characteristic she found so daunting, courage to face reality.

“I decided I would put my vanity aside,” Kear said. “Motherhood had done for me what I would not do for myself. For the sake of my children I would face the demons I had been afraid to face myself.”

She sought help and made the changes suggested to handle life.

“Blindness,” Kear said, “is not a deal breaker with life, just a roadblock that one has to find a way around.”

Joining Kear at the library was Tara Willette and her guide dog Rollo. Willette has been blind since the age of five. After earning her college degree Willette worked as an instructor for the state Office of Developmental Disabilities.

Her remarks focused on life’s story and how much people who have vision impairments can do if just given the chance.

“Seventy-two percent of visually impaired people are still unemployed,” Willette said. “Don’t assume what we can’t do. Let us show you what we can do.”