The Best Scruffy Quotes From 'Futurama'

Movie and TV Quotes
Updated June 23, 2023 20.2K views 24 items
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The best Scruffy character quotes from Futurama prove that he is the unsung hero of the Planet Express crew and doesn't always get the love and appreciation he deserves. Scruffy... the janitor. Let's clean up this list a bit by voting up the best Scruffy lines of all time. 

Scruffy was capable of some truly amazing one-liners, such as the subtle but brilliant, "My job. Toilets 'n boilers, boilers 'n toilets. Plus that one boilin' toilet. Fire me if'n you dare." However, he was also occasionally a voice of reason within the dysfuntional delivery company. He had a moment of utter clarity with, "The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long. Mmhm." 

Funny Scruffy quotes are not hard to find. But which one is the best? Vote up your favorites if'n you dare.

  • My Job
    Photo: 20th Television
    1
    115 VOTES

    My Job

    Scruffy: My job. Toilets 'n boilers, boilers 'n toilets. Plus that one boilin' toilet. Fire me if'n you dare.

    115 votes
  • The Candle
    Photo: 20th Television
    2
    106 VOTES

    The Candle

    Scruffy: The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long. Mmhm.

    106 votes
  • 40,000 Shares
    Photo: 20th Television
    3
    101 VOTES

    40,000 Shares

    Scruffy: Scruffy votes his 40,000 shares for the mysterious stranger.

    Leela: Wait a minute, how come you have four times as much share as the rest of us?

    Scruffy: Scruffy believes in this company. 

    101 votes
  • Before I Beg You to Stay
    Photo: 20th Television
    4
    103 VOTES

    Before I Beg You to Stay

    Scruffy: Ms. Wong?

    Wash Bucket: No, Scruffy, I am wash bucket. I love you. Wash bucket has always loved you.

    Scruffy: It's wrong, wash bucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while, but in the back of our minds we'd know that I'm a man and you're janitorial equipment.

    Wash Bucket: In another city, we could be anyone we want.

    Scruffy: Go. Go now. Before I beg you to stay.

    103 votes
  • Life Goes On
    Photo: 20th Television
    5
    68 VOTES

    Life Goes On

    Scruffy: Life goes on, but I believe we'll forever carry the pain on the inside.

    68 votes
  • Company in Twain
    Photo: 20th Television
    6
    57 VOTES

    Company in Twain

    Scruffy: What fevered dream is this that bids to tear this company in twain?

    57 votes
  • Die the Way He Lived
    Photo: 20th Television
    7
    98 VOTES

    Die the Way He Lived

    Scruffy: Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived...  Mmhm.

    98 votes
  • Life and Death
    Photo: 20th Television
    8
    87 VOTES

    Life and Death

    Scruffy: Life and death are a seamless continuum.

    87 votes
  • Jail's Not So Bad
    Photo: 20th Television
    9
    79 VOTES

    Jail's Not So Bad

    Amy: I've never been sad at a party before. I wonder if my mind is thinking about Kif being in jail.

    Scruffy: Jail's not so bad. You can make sangria in the terlet. Course, it's shank or be shanked.

    Amy: Of course.

    79 votes
  • On Break
    Photo: 20th Television
    10
    75 VOTES

    On Break

    Scruffy: I'm on break.

    [He eats a potato chip.]

    75 votes
  • Never Seen Him So Down
    Photo: 20th Television
    11
    55 VOTES

    Never Seen Him So Down

    Scruffy: Boy, I've never seen him so down. Or ever before.

    55 votes
  • $300 Haircuts
    Photo: 20th Television
    12
    60 VOTES

    $300 Haircuts

    Scruffy: Scruffy's goin' to get one of them $300 haircuts, this one's lost its pizzazz.

    60 votes
  • Scruffy
    Photo: 20th Television
    13
    109 VOTES

    Scruffy

    Scruffy: I'm Scruffy... the janitor. 

    109 votes
  • Nope
    Photo: 20th Television
    14
    51 VOTES

    Nope

    Scruffy: Hmm, I guess we'll never know.

    Zoidberg: Or will we?

    Scruffy: Nope.

    51 votes
  • Elves
    Photo: 20th Television
    15
    54 VOTES

    Elves

    Scruffy: The elves are back. 

    54 votes
  • Eatin' a Can of Breakfast
    Photo: 20th Television
    16
    68 VOTES

    Eatin' a Can of Breakfast

    Professor Farnsworth: There's some dirt on this computer.

    Scruffy: Sorry. I was eatin' a can of breakfast... an' lookin' at porn.

    68 votes
  • Thank the Ladder
    Photo: 20th Television
    17
    41 VOTES

    Thank the Ladder

    Zoidberg: [To Leela] Well, at least Scruffy saved you.

    Scruffy: Don't thank me. Thank the ladder.

    41 votes
  • Marmalade
    Photo: 20th Television
    18
    41 VOTES

    Marmalade

    Scruffy: Oh, Marmalade!

    41 votes
  • A Mirror
    Photo: 20th Television
    19
    39 VOTES

    A Mirror

    Scruffy: It's a mirror into Scruffy's soul.

    39 votes
  • Regular Board
    Photo: 20th Television
    20
    52 VOTES

    Regular Board

    Scruffy: I took a regular board, and made it into a divin' board. Mhrm.

    52 votes
  • Dern
    Photo: 20th Television
    21
    42 VOTES

    Dern

    Scruffy: Dern it.

    42 votes
  • The Robot Devil
    Photo: 20th Television
    22
    46 VOTES

    The Robot Devil

    Scruffy: Somebody called, "the robot devil" is here to see somebody called, "Fry."

    46 votes
  • Work Here is Done
    Photo: 20th Television
    23
    33 VOTES

    Work Here is Done

    Scruffy: Scruffy's work here is done.

    33 votes
  • Shiny Metal
    Photo: 20th Television
    24
    38 VOTES

    Shiny Metal

    Scruffy: Bite my shiny metal a**.

    38 votes