What's light as a feather yet can be heavy on a heart?
“A nineteenth-century Jewish folktale tells of a man who went about town slandering the rabbi. One day, realizing that many of the things he had said were unfair, he went to the rabbi’s house and begged for forgiveness. The rabbi told the man that he would forgive him on one condition: that he go home, take a feather pillow from his house, cut it up, and scatter the feathers to the wind. After he had done so, he should then return to the rabbi’s house. Though puzzled by the rabbi’s strange request, the man was happy to be let off with so easy a penance. He quickly cut up the pillow, scattered the feathers, and returned to the rabbi. “Am I now forgiven?” he asked. “Just one more thing,” the rabbi said. “Go now and gather up all the [disbursed] feathers.” “But that’s impossible. The wind has already scattered them.” “Precisely,” the rabbi answered. “And though you truly wish to correct the evil you have done; it is as impossible to repair the damage done by your words as it is to recover the feathers.”
This is such a good folk story to remind us that our words have power. Isn’t it fascinating that we are wired to seek, hear and believe the negative news that is published in all media channels and just how quickly we accept this information as ‘fact’ and jump on the band wagon, assuming the worst of people and their actions and ‘say it forward.’
“Watch your thoughts, they become words” Laozi wrote the aforementioned quote and I think this is a great point to start. Our thoughts are influenced by what we feed our minds. So, review what you are reading and who you are listening to. If you can, cut the negative. If you need to stay in the know then find a truncated media source that gives you enough to keep you in the know and prevent you from searching for more to become all knowing! In essence, take daily action to protect your mind from the negative and feed it with what is positive.
How is your self - talk? What are you saying to yourself about yourself and the situation you are in? The Persian poet Hafiz said, “The words we speak become the house we live in”. He is right. What we communicate, think and describe to ourselves builds our internal “house” from which we experience, interpret, and define the quality of our entire lives. So, listen to your self-talk, capture any repeated negative self-critical statements. A quick simple approach to correcting this is to abide by the following: Don't say anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to others. Be gentle and encouraging with yourself. If you have a negative thought, evaluate it rationally and respond with positive thoughts. Think about things you've accomplished, the strengths and skills you have, and the support you have from other people. I like the way John Assaraf said it; “Be careful what you say to yourself because someone very important is listening – YOU." You are a one of a kind, so it is important to be kind to the one!
How is your other - talk? What are you saying to your spouse, family members, colleagues, team members? Are you only seeing their faults, pointing out what is not good, criticizing your leader or the performance of your peers or those on your team? An approach to fix this is to ‘catch’ them doing right and track yourself doing this. Create a simple praise tracker and actively record the number of times you praise someone for outstanding performance or contribution each week. When I did track this, I was appalled to see how poor I was at praising others even though I thought I was pretty good at it going in. Yes indeed, what gets measured gets done! Try it.
In a world full of fake news, slander, criticism, and 'hurting people hurting people', this story is a timely reminder for us all to give careful thought to what we are thinking, what we say to ourselves and what we say to those around us. Our words truly do have power. As Joel Osteen said, “Be careful what you say. You can say something hurtful in 10 seconds but 10 years later the wounds are still there “. Let’s daily do all we can to ‘scatter feathers’ - words that are positive, encouraging and uplifting. Imagine a world 10 years from now, full of people who remember you making them feel special, secure, healthy and whole.
Carpe Diem
Gary Good