1. Okay, I’m just here to pick up some new black tights.
2. That’s it, I’ll be in and out — no longer than 10 minutes because I also need to go to the post office before they close.
3. Oh wait, look at how cute this dress is. And it’s only $25? That’s a steal.
4. I wonder if they have my size.
5. STOP IT, STOP IT!!! You’re getting distracted. Walk away from the pretty dress that you don’t really need.
6. When and why did Cotton On become so big? It’s like a warehouse and I have no idea where the exercise tights are.
7. Hmmmm, no that’s denim and that looks like shoes over there.
8. If I was a Cotton On employee, where would I hide the activewear stuff?
9. I could ask someone, but that involves a conversation that I did not mentally prepare myself for today.
10. Oh please, they have to be here SOMEWHERE. Surely.
11. *Sweats.*
12. FOUND THEM!!!
13. So, there’s 7/8s, seamless and a thermal style...but where are the regular 'ol black tights?
14. I wish I had worn my fave pair today so I could look at the tag.
15. But, it also had a massive hole in the butt, so I’m glad I didn’t.
16. Oh why, oh why, did I not look at the tag before I left my house today.
17. The "Core" range? LOL, what?
18. Wait, I think this is the one! Now to find my size.
19. Why on earth do they stack SO MANY on the one hanger-pole-thing?
20. I HEAR FOOTSTEPS!!! SOMEONE IS APPROACHING!!! AN EMPLOYEE IS APPROACHING ME!!!
21. The good news: I got my tights. The bad news: I’ve been given a basket by that employee who helped me out and now I need to walk around aimlessly for a bit so they stop staring at me.
22. Well, I guess I could check out the undies table. I do need some new ones.
23. Oooh, 5 for $35? That’s not bad, not bad at all.
24. Wait, this table is 3 for $10?!?! Okay, you don’t have to tell me twice.
25. This design is so cute! Oh, but I bet my size is at the bottom of this perfectly stacked pile. It’ll be fine, if I just pull gently...
26. Oh my god, that wasn’t supposed to happen. Everything is everywhere.
27. And now an employee just smiled at me, but in that "I’m going to kill you" way, because I JUST messed up the table that they took ages straightening up.
28. Man, look at all these bras. I’m going to go, uh, check them out and run away from this employee.
29. Ah, they have those laundry bags that you’re meant to wash your ~delicates~ in.
30. Meanwhile, I’ve just been chucking everything into the wash, like the heathen I am.
31. Oh, this ROBE is so soft. It’s like a teddy bear, I want it.
32. But, do I need it?
33. Yes, yes I do.
34. And I did need some new trackies, might as well grab them while I’m here.
35. Hang on, what’s that? Two for $20?
36. You can never have enough trackies, so in they go.
37. There’s no harm in taking a peek at the other sections while I’m here.
38. It’s not like I need anything anyway, I just want to see what else is new.
39. Waaaaaaiiiit, why is everything actually really nice.
40. I can’t leave until I try on this T-shirt and these jeans, ooooh and those shorts.
41. Man, my basket sure is getting heavy.
42. Uh, hold on...what time is it? How long have I been in here for?!
43. 40 MINUTES?! I JUST CAME IN HERE TO BUY TIGHTS.
44. Okay, okay, just try these things on — it’ll take five minutes max and then we’re out of here.
45. Why is the lighting lowkey really nice in these fitting rooms?
46. Maybe I’ll take a quick selfie…
47. ...or two.
48. Gotta do the squat test in these tights.
49. That cracking sound from my knees did not sound very good.
50. Have they changed the sizing at Cotton On? Because these jeans say they’re a size 12, but a toddler couldn’t even fit into them.
51. Okay, I’m being dramatic, but why are they literally cutting the circulation off in my legs?
52. OFF, OFF, OFF.
53. Ah, I can breathe again.
54. These are definitely going in the "nope" pile.
55. Now, do I leave the unwanted pile in here or give them to the fitting room person?
56. Probably the person, right?
57. AHHHHHHHHHHH. THINK BRAIN, THINK.
58. I’ll give them back, but I’ll at least put them on the hangers.
59. Phew, that was a mission and a half.
60. Did they...did they purposely put the shoe section here because they KNOW that’s the only one I haven’t checked out yet?!
61. No, come on, move it. You’ve already been here for too long.
62. Oh, but those thongs are so cheap and I've been wanting a new pair.
63. Okay, now I’m done.
64. Pfft, I know what you’re doing by placing the socks near the checkout. You WANT me to buy some while I’m waiting in line, don’t you, Cotton On?
65. But, they are 3 for $10...and there’s one with little sausage dogs on them. Oh, and those sheer ones would go nicely with those shoes I bought last week.
66. Sigh, into this very, very full basket you go.
67. A candle with my purchase? No thanks, I already have a gazillion at home.
68. Oh, they're half price if I buy them now? Hmmm.
69. No harm in just smelling them, I guess.
70. HOLY SHIT, THIS FIG AND PLUM ONE IS AMAZING. I'm sold, give it to me now.
71. Nooooooo charity items. I've already spent enough.
72. But if I say no, that will 100000% make me look like the biggest jerk in the world.
73. Okay, I’ll get some mints. They’re only $2.
74. A charity bag? Ugh, fine. I can use them for grocery shopping too and they’re cute.
75. Plus, it all goes towards a good cause, so that's karma points for me.
76. THE TOTAL IS OVER $100?!?!?!?! HOW ON EARTH DID I SPEND THAT MUCH?!?!?!
77. Oooh wait, they just gave me a $10 Perks voucher because I spent that much. Hehehehe.
78. That’s enough. I’m going straight to the post office and then home. I can't stand to be in this shopping centre any longer.
79. Oh fuck, the post office is closed now. Welp, I guess that’s tomorrow’s problem.