Husband takes wife's side when his grieving friend asserts authority over him and mistreats her

Losing a loved one is indeed a painful moment in a person's life. Coping with the loss and getting back to normal life will, of course, take time and require support. However, using that excuse to treat someone badly is not at all a reasonable thing to do. A 36-year-old woman, u/Acrobatic_Main2106, shared on Reddit a complicated situation that arose when her husband Ian's friend Jenna lost her wife and practically started living with them. On noticing Jenna's passive-aggressive behavior, Ian's wife decided to stand up for herself and he also took her side. 

Though Ian and Jenna were long-time friends, Ian's wife didn't feel so connected with Jenna. But she tried to be supportive when Jenna lost her wife unexpectedly. However, things took a turn. "She’s (Jenna) been leaning on Ian heavily for support which I understand, but she’s been at our house every single day since and even sleeping in our guest room most nights because she doesn’t want to be home alone," mentioned the 36-year-old. Though the wife tolerated Jenna's intrusion in their home and lives, she couldn't take it when Jenna got "weirdly territorial" with her husband. "I’ve reminded myself that I don’t think I could stand to see a happy couple for months if I lost Ian and to be patient. It’s not personal," the wife wrote.

After days of putting up with Jenna, the wife's patience was tested the day before her birthday. She casually asked her husband about when they had their dinner reservation to celebrate her birthday. But, Jenna instantly poked her nose into this matter. Panicking about Ian leaving her alone, Jenna asked him not to go. "I was going to tell her that she could still hang out here while we went and she looked at me and said, 'Don’t you have any friends you can go with?'" Taken aback by this question, the wife retaliated to Jenna, saying, "Don’t you have any other friends you can go bother?" 

Jenna not only called Ian's wife "selfish," but also accused her of "monopolizing her husband." Eventually, things got out of hand and the wife asked Jenna to leave their house. Though Ian consoled his friend saying that he would visit her after a few days, he was not backing away from defending his wife. "I was happy for his support and still am. But it’s been a few days and I just feel bad all around about it," the wife wrote and added, "I should’ve been more understanding of her but I also feel like she should treat me more respectfully and I’m not really sure if I overreacted." To relieve her of the stress, over a thousand reassuring comments poured in.

"NTA. Grief is an explanation, not an excuse. She’s leaning far too much on your husband, and for her to insult and swear at you for spending time with your husband on your birthday is completely out of pocket. Props to your husband for backing you but he needs to lay down the law with this woman," commented u/Reevadare1990. "Jenna is going through a huge loss, but that doesn't give her the right to treat you poorly, particularly when it seems like you and your husband have been nothing but accommodating," wrote u/lihzee. "Honestly, I wouldn’t have lasted that long with a visitor. I would have had 'the talk' about getting mental health and grief counseling since crashing with my family long term wasn’t going to work out," commented u/jjj68548.