Be The Type of Person People Gravitate To
When I was in graduate school, I took a class on servant leadership that was taught by a member of The Carter Center’s Board of Councilors. One of the board’s quarterly meetings happened to occur during that semester, so our entire class had the privilege of attending. Prior to the event, we had the opportunity to meet President Carter and his wife, Rosalynn. President Carter spoke to each of us individually and, although the interaction lasted less than half a minute, he made me feel as if there was not another person in the room. I was (and still am) amazed by the way he navigated the group in such a warm manner. As I think back on our brief encounter, I’m reminded of a few traits that he exhibited that any of us can use when we’re amongst both strangers and friends alike.
Smile
At a former job, I’d occasionally eat lunch at a restaurant that had some entertaining signs on the wall. My favorite of all of them read, “smile — it confuses people.” Sometimes I think smiling has gone the way of the Dodo, which is what makes this sign even funnier. In the modern world of so many people walking around looking angry, smiling can be confusing. When a stranger smiles at us, our first inclination might be to think we’ve just done something stupid, or that we have food on our face. But, believe it or not, some people do smile at others out of the goodness of their heart. A smile is a great gift to give and to receive. It can lighten a mood, make someone forget about their troubles for a minute, and can lower your own stress level just by sharing one with someone you pass on the street or in the store.
Be present
This, to me, is what President Carter did so well. When he spoke to me, he was not distracted by anyone, or anything, else around him; I had his undivided attention. It’s so easy to be distracted when we’re talking with someone else. We can be distracted by thoughts of the errands we have to run, the buzzing or dinging of the phone in our pocket, or by wondering who else around us might be more important to talk to. Commit to the interaction and show respect by giving that person your full attention in that moment.
Be peaceful
I’ve worked with people that moved through the office like their hair was on fire — constantly running late, always frantic, everything is urgent or critical. You know what I’m talking about. Not inviting, is it? From my experience, I’ve found that it’s far too easy to get sucked into the vortex of panic and consternation these people create if you’re not careful. Try to move through the world in a peaceful manner and spread some of that calming influence to those around you.
Be in control
Although similar to being peaceful, I’m thinking in this regard of words, actions, and volume. We all know someone that doesn’t handle their alcohol or partying well — loud, belligerent, no limits. Or perhaps they might not know when to draw the line when it comes to offensive jokes or statements. To that person, it sure might seem like everyone else thinks they’re the greatest thing ever, but these behaviors only serve to make those around them uncomfortable. Calm, cool, and collected wins every time.
Be thoughtful
It doesn’t cost a dime to be thoughtful. When you’re talking to someone, really listen to what they’re saying. If you pay attention, you can hear all kinds of information that gives insight into someone’s interests, or sheds light on a current challenge they might be facing. When you see that person again, you might remember to ask them about a recent trip they took, or if their parent was recovering from an illness they’d mentioned to you before.
What about you? Do people want to be in your presence now? If you’re not sure, what kind of signals could you be sending?
