The burden of "yes"
Observing kids being raised in bilingual homes, I’m often reminded of a core feature of our psychology. When such kids are in the earliest stage of their linguistic development, say around two or three, you see them grappling with word choices in a predictable way. If they’re being brought up in a Spanish-English home, they’ll typically choose “apple” over manzana. When it's a Greek-English home, they’ll go with “no” instead of óxi. It’s a predictable choice because the human brain is naturally drawn to the path of least resistance. A toddler will instinctively avoid the extra syllable.
Our cognitive inertia starts early, but you can feel the same tendencies later in life. In conversations with people who are “pitching” you, whether sellers or interview candidates, you'll notice a deep aversion to anticipated effort. We become hostile to the perceived consequences of saying “yes.”
Saying “yes” to a seller can often trigger a cascade of additional responsibilities: fighting for more budget, holding one's team accountable, measuring ROI, and more. Especially in a resource-constrained environment, there's a powerful impulse to eschew the extra burden.
Saying “yes” to a job candidate can feel similarly fraught. The consequences of a bad hire are known to be ever-present and far-reaching. Sensing this risk, the brain looks for any disqualifying evidence at all. Prudent risk avoidance feels easier than speculative commitment.
But this aspect of our psychology can also become a source of leverage for effective influencers. They can flip the problem on its head, helping the client or hiring manager associate a reduction in stress with their product or candidacy. And they can do this from the first moment.
With rapidly growing complexity in today’s business environment, decision-makers have increasingly limited cognitive bandwidth. They can sense the walls closing in on their energy and attention. They are more sensitive than ever to the costs of incremental exertion.
Effective influencers make it feel as though the burden of “yes” is being lifted from the client’s shoulders. They bring all doubts and fears into the open, getting them out of the decision-maker’s head and onto the table in plain sight. Then they systematically lay those doubts and fears to rest, displaying empathy for the problem and clarity around the solution.
They also eliminate any mental friction, ruthlessly editing their communications to ensure there is no fluff. They impose a pyramid structure on their message, making the “So what?” explicit and easy to process from the start.
Both these skills require a critical first step, however. As author Travis Bradberry once wrote, “the biggest obstacle to increasing your self-awareness is the tendency to avoid the discomfort that comes from seeing yourself as you really are.” It isn’t just our client or hiring manager who seeks the path of least resistance. We seek it too. We gloss over our shortcomings, shrinking from the sweat it will apparently take to fill the gaps.
Lifting the burden of “yes” seems to involve:
Taking a plunge in the ice bath of self-awareness.
Shining a light on others’ predictable, at times unconscious, reservations.
Offering to carry the load.
Showing the path to a better place.
Making it easy and enjoyable to start the journey.