What courtesy demands

Courtesy generally means a polite or respectful act. It’s all about showing respect, knowing when and how to talk, basically, it means using your good manners. After all, human beings are like a coin with different faces. The best face represents courtesy, while the other………I’d leave that to you!

In the past few months, I have come across certain people who lack what it takes to properly associate with others in a public setting. It cuts across their manner of speech, their approach to certain situations, the habits they exhibit, down to their general appearance.

There are certain things I would address which I find very demeaning, and of which I don’t expect from people I relate with. While I was in nursery school, I was taught a rhyme which goes like this:

🎶There are five magic words X2

There are five magic words that I know…

Please, Excuse me, sorry ,thank you and the last one…..Pardon me!!!

I really didn’t know the importance of that song till I grew a little bit older and it dawned on me that those things I learnt as a baby are still relevant now.

Let’s address some general issues.

MANNERS

This one is very broad but my main problem has to do with the way people talk. It’s so insultive when people ask questions without saying please. For example, you see a video you like on my WhatsApp status and then you say “send”. Who do you think you are talking to? Is it me? I choose not to believe that! No matter how close you think you are to someone, that doesn’t guarantee that they would tolerate such rude habits. Some people like being respected, it’s not that they want you to always be formal, but they just don’t want to be taken for granted!

DEMANDS

I’ve stated earlier that it is necessary to ask for things politely but, don’t turn into a beggar. Alot of people are so…..I don’t even know the word to use. It’s just left for them to go to the streets to do “Bambiala, gimme money”. To be honest, that’s a very irritating attitude. Whatever you have, be contented! You don’t act all humble in your home and come outside to loose your home training. I’m very sure no parent would be happy finding out that their kids have turned to beggars outside the home. When you want to ask for something, say it politely. All those baby face ish is highly childish and unnecessary, go straight to the point but don’t talk authoritatively. For example, if I need two thousand naira to buy a new pair of sandals and I don’t have any money with me, I could walk up to Demilade and say “Demilade, please could you borrow me two thousand naira for a new pair of sandals?” I am not telling him to borrow me(it might sound imposing), I am asking him if he could borrow me. Now, it’s left to him to give an affirmation to my request. After collecting the money, it is compulsory that I pay back on time.

This payment of a thing is always the issue. If you can’t pay as at when due, it is expected that you at least call to say that you still have it in mind to pay. But there are people who either change their numbers or switch off their gadgets when they know their creditor would call. That is a very wrong attitude. Never borrow if you would find it difficult to pay back later because it doesn’t just make you look unworthy, it also tarnishes your image!

There are instances when you borrow things asides money from your buddies. Now, it is very essential you return material things the way it was given to you without excuses. I hate it when I lend something to someone and the person is telling me stories that touch like “ehn, I did not know when oil poured on your book, I was eating”. As far as I am concerned, that’s a flimsy excuse! Why should you be eating meals with liquids or oil while reading a book? This explains why food of any sort is not allowed in the library. These are certain things you should keep in mind when you are dealing with someone else’s property. You can treat yours anyhow but as long as it’s not yours, treat it with maximum care and attention!.

TABLE MANNERS

There is an endless list of manners that are to be exhibited while eating at the table. Talking while eating is the most recurring. It might be common among the unlearned but as long as awareness has been created, I don’t see any reason why this etiquette should be abused. The reason why it is not advisable to talk while eating is because some food particles can actually escape your mouth while talking thereby, dropping on the other person. Personally, I find it disgusting seeing melted food in someone’s mouth while talking. You only harm the other person when you don’t follow the rules of eating.

PUBLIC PLACES

This kind of environment is such in which you have to be careful. In a bus, avoid having so long conversations because it not only disturbs people around you, it causes discomfort and heat. Yes! Heat!.

Follow me with this scenario….Ajani receives a call from his childhood friend. Imagine the joy….going on in the conversation, his friend says he would be visiting Ajani soon. Ajani being excited begins to shout with so much joy in the bus. First off, he definitely can’t do without making close body contact with the passengers around which causes heat. Secondly, that shout is noise which would obviously produce heat. We are in Nigeria don’t forget!

Another thing you must take note of is never to embarrass people in public. No matter how close you are to someone, don’t think they would laugh off your “joke”. You might hurt them but they won’t show it. Therefore, tame your tongue and be careful of what you say to people in the presence of others.

Whenever two people are talking, don’t interrupt except it’s an emergency. Then, you say “Excuse me” before you start saying whatever you need to say.

Whenever you make arrangements with people probably to go out or something and then you change your plans, let them know. It’s rude to keep people hanging and expecting when you would never show up.

For guys shooting their shots, when a girl doesn’t seem to vibe with you, it’s very wrong to rain insults at her and talk bad about her to other people. It’s simple, pack and go! There are millions of girls out there, she’s not just meant for you. This applies to other forms of relationships too. When you stop talking to people you were once close to, let the matter rest, don’t start telling other people bad things about them. It’s very wrong but human, that is, it’s in our nature but that doesn’t mean it’s right. There is no time for that, be productive with your life and let sleeping dogs lie.

For the people that speak pidgin, don’t laugh at them. It’s the language they understand, you either teach them the use of grammar or leave them to communicate in the language that they are acquainted with.

APOLOGIES

I used to find it difficult saying I’m sorry to people I’ve hurt but I’ve learnt something. As long as I haven’t set myself free from them, I would still be hurting within me. I mean, my conscience pricks me so much when I don’t do the right things. It’s not that easy but to be free, tell your brother you are sorry for doing wrong. If possible, get them a gift, something simple so they don’t think you are trying to buy them with gifts. Remember “Moderation is key”.

I could go on and on but it’s not a book I’m writing so, I’d rather stop here. It was necessary to write about this because the way some people act breaks my heart. Don’t get me wrong, I am not perfect, nobody is perfect and that’s why we learn everyday. I’m sure you know one or two people who need to absorb this message. Do well to repost. Thank you for reading to this point, God bless you🙏

-Doreen